How to figure out what you want to do.
I get a lot of questions from people about how to begin.
And many times, it’s presented with confusion, frustration and a general sense of despair.
Never fear, brave friends- I’m here to help you see this situation for exactly what it is- your brain tricking you into believing that you’re confused.
So, let’s start at the beginning.
Not knowing where to begin is NOT a fact. It’s not a circumstance. It’s a THOUGHT. And what do we know about thoughts? WE CHOOSE THEM.
Technically, I think your brain is telling you this, which is you telling yourself this but you might not be aware it’s misleading you this way.
Not knowing where to begin is a thought. It’s a thought you unfortunately believe, which is leading you to feel confusion.
So, there’s the brain part of this equation. Your brain tricking you into thinking that starting THIS new thing is somehow different than when you learned how to use that new curling iron you bought or the car you drive or even possibly the job you’re currently in.
You HAVE learned how to do many things. You HAVE started lots of things that were new to you. And you didn’t think this thought.
So, why are you thinking it now?
That is a good question, but it also might be unnecessary. You don’t want to dwell there. You just want to accept that this is a thought you’re telling yourself rather than a fact of your life.
So, the first thing to do is to realize this is a thought and accept it. Don’t fight it. I promise that if you fight it, you’re not going to get any further than you are today.
The second thing you do is find evidence that you do, in fact, know how to do new things and that’s kind of a fact of life and evolution. You did figure out how to take a bottle and crawl and walk and wave and talk and all that sort of stuff. Much of early development was achieved just because your little baby self had a strong desire to evolve- to catch up to your siblings or your baby friends or just because you had the tenacity to learn stuff.
Why do we forget all this magic when we’re older? I have no idea and it’s super annoying. But nonetheless, let’s just accept that this might be something we have to learn again- that we can, in fact, learn new things.
Now that we’ve accepted the fact that we can learn new things, we can solve the question of what you should do with your life.
I coach people through this all the time.
I’m sort of a genius at helping people figure out what to do. I can usually talk to someone for an hour and have a full picture of what they should do, how much they should charge for it and why it’s important for the world to have said business.
But I don’t get there because I’m psychic. I get there because I ask the right questions.
I think we can do things that we naturally love and are suited for by discovering what brings us joy AND what delivers our dream customers value.
I think most of us have a blind spot about the value with innately bring to the world. We’ve usually built this value up by going through tough moments of growth or adversity.
So, why is that important to note?
Because during moments of adversity where you’ve had to figure it out to survive or thrive, you’ve employed a method you can teach others. You’ve built ‘street cred’ that should battle business legitimacy.
Sometimes it’s not adversity like trauma but it’s like getting better at something even though it takes dedication, focus and a crazy belief in yourself.
That stuff is valuable. It’s not only what makes you unique but it’s something that you bring to the world just as you are.
Here are the list of questions I ask my clients to help them decide what they want to do in the world:
Tell me about an experience where you felt a lot of joy and where you also felt valued? It could be a project you worked on, a conversation you had with someone, a contest you won, a dinner you hosted, a conflict you solved, etc. Really the defining factor is that you felt you were doing it well or solving it well and you enjoyed it.
List 4 people you admire in the world for what they contribute or do. Tell me in one sentence what it is about them that you admire.
List 1-4 people who you wish you could help. Are there similarities between them? Do you help them with something similar? It’s ok if not.
If money was no issue and you could spend your time doing WHATEVER you wanted (travel, writing, painting, building a homeless shelter, cooking, etc.) what would it be?
Pro Tips
You MUST be in a positive / hopeful mindset when you complete these questions
You shouldn’t try to force any answers but really let your heart answer them with joy and hope
You shouldn’t kill these answers with logistics or answer in a way that you think someone will want to hear them
The task at hand is to tap into what’s unique and authentic inside of you, not find some correct answer.
Interpreting the answers:
Question 1 gives me evidence for how you like contributing to the world.
Question 2 gives me insight into how you want to be seen or admired in the world.
Question 3 gives me insight into your dream customers, clients or collaborators.
Question 4 gives me insight into what brings you joy.