How and why I divorced my business.
Do you hate your job? Do you believe it’s responsible for your happiness (or unhappiness)?
Well, I was right there with you. And it was NOT good.
I thought I was stuck.
I believed, for a good while, that my business was standing in the way of my happiness.
But it just wasn’t true.
I was standing in the way of my dreams. Of my happiness. And my business was only reflecting what I thought about it.
So, my business (or more accurately) the work relationship we had needed to change.
I divorced so many thoughts that I had about myself and my business:
“My business hates me.”
“I don’t enjoy my business.”
“I can never do what I WANT to do.”
“Everyone needs me but I never get to advocate for myself.”
Can you see how all of this thinking was really victim-based?
And here’s how I felt when I thought those (and similar) thoughts day after day:
angry
confused
sad
So, I had to divorce those thoughts. The way I was thinking was the way I was working.
And one very clear problem came to light: I wasn’t having fun.
The stuff I was doing on a daily basis was not fun or interesting to me. I wasn’t creating what I needed to create to be able to do what I wanted to do.
I am a creator. I am a writer. I am a thought leader and a coach.
But I had not created a job that protected that.
Why? How?
Well, because I was a people-pleaser.
Because my thinking kept me believing that I couldn’t change anything.
When you only feel angry, confused and sad it’s really hard to see how you can change anything in your life.
So, when I say I divorced my business, I really re-imagined our relationship. So that what delivers me joy is just as important as all the other tasks that a healthy business requires.
I had the courage to advocate for myself.
So, how did I change this? Because I STILL do have a business…..
I changed my thinking. I decided that my business WASN’T responsible for my happiness, but that I was responsible for advocating for myself. I decided that it wasn’t standing in my way, but that I was standing in my way. I wasn’t allowing myself to choose what I wanted because it would require me to make decisions that I didn’t want to do. So
What do I TRULY want in my life?
I want support- a system that will help us manage business owners (that has to be built over time)
I want to write EVERY DAY- so I needed to rearrange where I have to spend my time in order to be someone who creates most of the time
I want to be have new conversations with a certain type of business owner- I want to coach people who are interested in growth, both internal growth and business growth
I want to travel and explore
I want to make a million dollars being a coach and changing my own industry (startup / small business)
I don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck (either in my personal life or in my business)
So, I had to make some changes. I had to do things I felt were impossible.
I had to reimagine my relationship with everyone in my business life:
customers
I believed, “They don’t understand us and don’t want to support us.”
I now believe, “There are so many people who love and support us and there are so many people who need my help.”
clients
I believed, “They don’t appreciate me.”
I now believe, “I’ve been attracting a lot of the wrong clients and creating no boundaries that protect our relationship- and there are so many people who would benefit from my viewpoint.”
team
I believed, “They have my back but they don’t really like me.”
I now believe, “They had my back, but I didn’t have my own back. They liked me but I didn’t like myself.”
collaborators
I believed, “They don’t know how hard my job is.”
I now believe, “It’s my job to advocate for myself and allow others to meet me where I want to be met.”
It’s not your job or your business’s job to make you happy.
It’s your job to do that.