What I wish I had when I began my first business nearly 10 years ago might surprise you.
Starting a new business can really throw you for a loop. Here’s what I wish I had when I began my business, and what I know it would have done for me.
Imagine a really cool girl having a really cool idea (before Instagram, that is) and hitting the streets to begin her market!
Then, imagine, if you will, this bullshit–
Getting a call from a woman in my industry telling me that I could not start a business because she was already working with these type of clients
Walking into a bank to open a business bank account (woo hoo!!) and being asked where my husband was
Starting up an instagram account and being bizarrely threatened and intimidated and humiliated by anonymous accounts, actual people you know and mostly people who have never met you but are very certain they know how to run your business better than you do
Being stalked and threatened during your market events but knowing that the police could do nothing to protect you and also there was no time to actually stop working because deadlines and you don’t want to disappoint anyone
Feeling totally personally crushed under the weight of your truly amazing, highly valuable business
What do you think this human girl needed? If you say money, you’re sort of on to something. Having more money DOES give more options to take time off or hire people to help. But it’s only part of the story because the girl did have enough money to solve some things.
If you said she needed support you’d be 10000% correct. But the type of support I needed wasn’t really available to us yet. She needed support from a coach who had knowledge in socialization, patriarchy, business, trauma, inner child work, scarcity brain AND who knew how to hold space for her.
NOW, Imagine this person is YOU. In all of your complexity.
You need someone (or maybe many someones) who have wisdom, learned experience, knowledge, technical skill and most importantly have done their own work. Whatever you’re in the process of creating or sorting out or solving you will want someone who can see all the pieces and parts as separate and connected things.
Here’s what I would have said to my past self about each point–
“IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. Some women are threatened by other women and also have their own wounds that you will inadvertently trigger. You are allowed to start your own business, we live in a capitalist society that makes you trade money for healthcare, food, shelter and all other basic needs. Tell her to fuck off and go work on herself (or just ignore her).”
“IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. The world is socialized to believe that men are better at business and that men make women’s decisions for them and that women aren’t confident enough to know what they want or need.”
“IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. People do not know how to behave appropriately on this new digital platform and you must protect your own peace. Block them. Delete their stupid comments. Get ready for people to then also say you are silencing them or can’t take criticism. FUCK ‘EM.”
“This is fucked up. I’m so sorry that you live in a country that doesn’t care about women’s safety. How can you create more safety in your life? Don’t worry about your business. Put yourself first. Anyone who comes for you because you are using your time and energy to create safety for your body can go fuck themselves. Of course you won't say that, but that’s the energy you will have for anyone who chooses to guilt you or shame you instead of treating you like a human. Ask for help. Require that your team helps you. Let them in if you can. If they can’t help care for you then they are not the right people to pay to be a part of your team.”
“TAKE A BREAK. Truly. Put your business on pause. Let the people talk. Let them say bad things about you. Your mental and physical health are more important than pretending that you are ok in order to not disappoint anyone. The world is a fucked up place and will force women into this dynamic over and over and over again. You need sleep. You need rest. You deserve peace. But you will have to solve it for yourself. The world will take as much from you as you allow it to, because women are powerful and our unpaid labor has been a crucial part of building this country’s economic prosperity. Do what works for YOU. And work through any guilt you feel. It’s not real and it’s not kind and it’s not humane. I love you.”
You might be going through something hard.
The good thing is that you do not have to go it alone. You have a whole world of coaches who are now trained in helping you sort through confusing thoughts that are standing in your way of what would be a better experience for your human body.
We can’t stop the world from being the world, but we can decide that some of the word’s demands don’t matter more than your sanity, health and peace.
Here’s what I needed: A COACH.
xoxo
s
