Doing the ugly, scary, hard stuff.
Here’s how you can not only survive it, but make it easier (and feel great once it’s done).
For me, the ugly, scary, hard stuff has traditionally been–
Mail (because bills show up there)
Mail (because unexpected stuff shows up there)
Email (because I’ve received lots of hate / bullying types of emails there)
Email (because I feel like people require hearing back IMMEDIATELY and it’s stressed me out in the past)
Regulation stuff (IRS / Taxes / Bureau of Worker’s Comp / Payroll / Bank stuff) because it always makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong or am going to be in trouble
But this is the thing. Part of being a grown adult (and business owner) is taking care of business, even when you don’t feel like it or you decide that it’s scary.
And I want to give you a better reason– because you can do it, and not feel any negative emotion and then benefit highly from that mindset.
My mail doesn’t cause me to feel anything.
—> My thoughts about it do.
My taxes don’t cause me to feel anything.
—> What I think about them does.
My email doesn’t cause me to feel anything.
—> My thoughts do.
The less I’m motivated by negative emotion, the less I’ll need it in my life.
And the more I can experience it where it truly belongs– when I experience loss. When I’m in pain. When I’m heartbroken.
I don’t want to experience negative emotion because of……..TAXES!
And trust me, if you’re going to run a business there’s a lot of stuff that can find its way into the category of ‘stuff that stresses me out’.
But for what?
You have a limited amount of emotional energy per day.
Do you want to use it feeling anything about bills?
Or do you want to use it to make your dreams come true?
For me over 2020, the big scary things were–
organizing a business footprint that had become wildly unorganized over its chaotic 7 years
figuring out how I was going to pay my bills sustainably after my company was essentially shut down
reading hundreds of negative comments about me online
coming to grips with my lack of proper self-education in issues around equality
apologizing to people in my life (and beyond) that I’d let down with that lack of education
listening to the anger of people
listening to the anger of myself
moving an entire workshop (nearly by myself) into storage. It took weeks upon weeks of sustained effort.
Transforming my office into my workshop / photo studio
Announcing my new business while letting my community criticize me publicly
Being new again after I had put everything into a business over 7 years
Loving myself after I’d messed up
I could have spent my energy watching Netflix and buffering my feelings with a glass or two of wine. And trust me I did probably do too much of that early on.
But facing the hard stuff is about facing what you THINK about yourself and the hard stuff. Once you stop believing it has power over you, it stops having power over you.
Here’s how I did a lot of this:
I had a coach who helped me distinguish between the thoughts I wanted to keep and the thoughts I needed to adjust– to match up with the way I want to live
this is some more high-level thought work, and it is so helpful to learn
I had a therapist who helped me identify trauma that needed healing that was also confusing things
this helped me with SO MUCH
I was gentle with myself, but I was also firm with myself
I only made decisions from a place of love– I never reprimanded myself for not being perfect
If I was feeling panicked, I didn’t make decisions. I paused. Took a deep breath. Got my body out of panic. Then I began to think.
I stopped drinking for the most part– especially as a way to wind down. It was getting in the way of so much emotional processing.
I began to re-frame this work. I used to avoid it because it scared me. But now I do it because It’s part of business and life. I keep it pretty neutral.
I allow time for this work to get done. I don’t try to get it all done in an hour. I was doing that because I wanted it over quickly. But then I couldn’t actually get through it and then I’d be upset with myself.
I allow lots of time for joy in my life. I realize that I deserve it. So I make it happen.
I don’t buffer my feelings anymore. When I’m feeling something I feel it. And I also look at what’s causing it.
The ugly stuff is only ugly because we tell ourselves it is.
The scary stuff is only scary because of what we think about it.
The hard stuff is only hard because we let it be.
You’ve got this friends, I just know it. And if you need a little help with your mindset, find me here.
Building an Emotional Toolkit is so important BEFORE you begin your business. Before you spend a bunch of money. Before you have employees or a big following.
If you’re someone who wants to have a thriving business but you’re also scared– this is for you.
If you’re someone who wants to control your own time, but you’re just not sure how to figure out how to leave your job– this is for you.
If you’re someone who wants to be calm, confident and clear about running your business and making financial decisions– this is for you.