Why I'm uninterested in unsolicited 'feedback'.
The internet went wild on me a few weeks ago.
Leaving me panicked and sobbing. And strong.
You see, I was shamed online. Very publicly. It was excruciating.
But on the other side of that was something I had never considered–freedom.
Freedom from pretending I’m someone that I’m not.
Freedom from wondering, “Do people actually like me?”
Freedom from wondering, “Are my customers on my side?”
Freedom from hiding. I used to obsessively panic-think, “What will people think when they find out who I really am?”
The answers?
Lots of people like me. In fact they LOVE me. I got so many messages of love and support. It felt like I was on cloud nine.
Then I’d crash back down to earth.
Because there are a lot of people who don’t like me. Hate me. Just can’t stand me. Think I’m a fraud and a fake and all sorts of terrible things.
A woman (who didn’t realize I would see her comments) actually told everyone how embarrassed she was because of me. When I asked her about it, she said, “Oh I don’t know you! I don’t have an opinion about you!”: Yet she did. Very publicly and confidently.
Odd how that works.
See, now I can have the freedom to write about her here.
Freedom. To share my stories. Without worry about keeping people happy with me. They won’t be no matter what you do.
Many of my ‘customers’ weren’t on my side.
I’m so happy I know that now. I’m so glad they’re gone from me.
Nothing is wrong with people choosing not to be together. But we do sometimes think there must be something wrong if we part ways.
I say that if we just decide up front then we’d avoid so much pain and suffering.
And I’ll be leading with that thought going forward.
So, what happened that got the internet in a shit storm?
I told people I didn’t want their ‘advice’.
I, a woman, told people (straightforwardly) thanks, but no thanks.
We’re not used to women saying it like it is.
We’re not used to women saying NO.
There are so many narratives like this.
“She was asking for it! Did you see what she was wearing?”
“Why didn’t she leave?”
“But if it was that bad, why didn’t she speak up?”
“She’s such a bitch–she deserves this.”
I chose to stand up for myself.
I chose to tell bullies to back off.
But the thing about women business owners? They’re supposed to be gracious AF. Polite and likable and generous and kind.
No matter how many people offer them ‘advice’ they’re supposed to graciously accept it. And also change their business because of it.
Fuck that.
Sorry, but fuck that.
Do they pay my taxes?
Do they study my business?
Do they care about EVERYONE that will be affected by the changes they’re expecting?
No.
No.
No.
So, why would I take Business Advice from people who would put my customers and me in danger?
Good question, right?
I wasn’t thinking like this before this happened.
I was scared. Of being found out. Because I TRULY do not believe women business owners (or women in general) should have to put up with unsolicited advice from ANYONE. EVER.
I think people should mind their fucking business–unless of course we ask.
I think mothers should mother. And women should dress how they want. And follow their hearts and be controversial. And women business owners should speak about what they believe in and run businesses from their hearts (their heads, too).
But I was scared that I was wrong about this. And that society would vilify me for it.
And actually, that’s exactly what happened.
But now everyone knows where I stand.
Firmly.
I won that by going through the fire, and damn was that fire hot.
It was something that I did NOT think I would get through alive. Truly.
And I wouldn’t have without caring friends and badass coaches.
Because feelings are only shaped by our thoughts.
My thoughts while being humiliated and shamed online?
That this was wrong and it should not be happening? That I had lost everything that I had worked my entire life building. That so many people I needed and loved did not love me back.
And my thoughts now?
It’s exactly what was supposed to happen–and it hurt like hell so that it would change me. Change me into someone who ACTUALLY has her own back.
I didn’t lose anything. I lost people who I never had to begin with. And I gained myself.
I don’t need people who truly don’t love me. I need to love me.
If you want me to, I’ll tell you all about this story. It was the most painful part of 2020 so far (and that includes this quarantine). And it is also what set me free.
LIFE + BUSINESS COACHING
Changing your thoughts WILL change your life. It’s never been more obvious that how we think has drastic consequences on our lives and our world.
This is a GREAT thing. Because if you align your thinking with what you want to see in your life and in the world, you can achieve it.