On the other side of drastic change.
18 months after changing it all, I’m reflecting on what it’s been like.
It’s me in my new-ish studio. Photo by Tiffany Joy Photography.
I changed my life dramatically in 2020 (technically in December 2019).
And as soon as I made that change, the world delivered me what had scared me out of making those changes years earlier– public scrutiny, major loss of income, radical self-identity shift.
18 months after, here’s where I am.
When I announced I was going to put my event on pause for 2020 (this is pre-pandemic), the world got to work being the world. And right now, it’s a gossipy place always looking for drama. In addition to that, so much of my circumstances changed. And I was scared of both the world’s thoughts about me and how I would handle the changing of these circumstances.
When I made my decision–
people talked openly about me online in disparaging ways
I lost my main source of income
I had to redefine my identity
I was villainized by some and applauded by others
I lost many relationships
I gained others
I was shamed online
I got to choose myself, finally
I was scared
I was held tightly by the ones who love me
There has been pain.
There has been joy.
And there has been evolution– and that is 100% worth any of the pain.
The thing is– we sometimes believe there is a ‘right’ decision. And there isn’t. There is just the one we make.
And within that, there will be circumstances we must deal with. So, deciding what is right for you isn’t about finding the magical correct decision that will help you avoid all pain and suffering– it’s about choosing the one that will allow your life to be better WHILE still dealing with pain. What decision will help you experience more joy in your life?
You can stick the landing on any decision. But it requires you making a choice– and supporting that choice.
Supporting your choice is not staying in something and constantly hating it.
Supporting your choice is leaving and then continually shaming yourself for it.
Having your own back is always possible.
Making an amazing decision does not mean there will be no sacrifice or pain.
So, 18 months after changing my life drastically, here’s what’s different–
I have so much clarity about my own business, my self, my life, my goals, etc.
I have a million percent more self love than I did before
I have less money and more debt than I have ever had (this is very much pandemic-related, too, but that doesn’t totally matter)
I have finally begun to heal my childhood trauma
I love myself so much more than I ever have
Lots of people love me
Lots of people don’t like me
Lots of people are indifferent
I’ve gotten rid of 75% of my personal belongings
I’ve got a really close relationship with my nephews that I didn’t really have before
I gained 20 lbs (this is also kinda pandemic-related)
I think nothing negative about that weight gain
I do not live in fight-or-flight on the daily
I make my living coaching women founders toward better emotional health
I have a woodshop / workshop that I love
I’m teaching people how to build things
I have an amazing idea for the future of Cleveland Flea
I feel so hopeful about my own future
I routinely do things that would have scared me in the past
I allow people to have their own thoughts about me without any desire to change them
I see the difference between people-pleasing and showing up authentically / honestly / as a human who is 100% worthy
I have an apartment that I love that is clean and tidy and supports my mental wellness
I have clarity around myself and the role my childhood has played in shaping me
I don’t 100% know what will happen to Cleveland Flea, and that is ok
I am ok. I am better than ok.
You will be ok, too.
Make the decision. Let the pain come. Let the joy come, too.
HELP YOUR FUTURE BUSINESS OWNER SELF BY LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS AROUND BUSINESS NOW.
Building an Emotional Toolkit is so important BEFORE you begin your business. Before you spend a bunch of money. Before you have employees or a big following.
If you’re someone who wants to have a thriving business but you’re also scared– this is for you.
If you’re someone who wants to control your own time, but you’re just not sure how to figure out how to leave your job– this is for you.
If you’re someone who wants to be calm, confident and clear about running your business and making financial decisions– this is for you.