How to change the past.

"You can't change the past."

It's only partially correct.

There's what happened.

And there's what you think about what happened.

There are the factual details.

And then there is how you tell yourself a story about them.

There's the time I wrote something on social media that got a lot of comments.

And there's what I thought about myself and that situation–

• She's a loser. (immediately)

• I am so ashamed. (pretty soon after)

• She did the best she could. (now)

So, this is how we change the past. This can be done for good or evil. It matters the intent behind it.

She's a loser was fueled by my desire to remain connected to my 'accusers' who I felt I owed that to.

I am so ashamed was fueled by my dysregulated nervous system that was experiencing a natural reaction to perceived danger.

She did the best she could is fueled by my love for myself and others, and by my belief in reconnection not perpetual punishment.

You cannot necessarily change the factual details of the past.

But what we make them mean CHANGES them.

When I think about how society treats women, I see how they interpret facts in a certain way.

Her skirt was too short.

She was asking for it.

Rather than focusing on the perpetrator, we focus on the actions of the woman.

She's a bad mom.

He's such a devoted dad.

These can be reactions to the exact same set of facts.

She should have left a long time ago instead of He should not be treating her this way again transfers the burden and punishment to the woman.

How you interpret the past will reflect what you think about yourself NOW.

It might also reflect that you are still experiencing ongoing trauma and fear.

When you get to a place where you can see yourself with Humanity (you are loved and valuable and whole) AND Humility (you, like all humans, make mistakes), then you know you're seeing the past in the correct framework. And no one else's assessment is required, unless they also reveal their framework, too.