Get Better Sorta Faster– A blog series dedicated to the intentionally-slow-paced work of getting better.

This is my series on Get Better Sorta Faster- ways in which a foundation in self coaching helps all aspects of your life feel less terrible, and sometimes even much better! You’re never getting off the human experience. Half of it will suck. Half will be good– but that 50% can drastically reduce, depending on how we approach it, how much structural oppression we uniquely face, how much support / genuine human connection we have (or don’t) and probably loads of other factors that we can’t control. This series is just about the stuff we DO control, specifically our thoughts.

I’m an advocate for ‘let’s let the good stuff be good, but let’s still talk about the bad stuff.

I am my own example of this. I have a brain that is SO DAMN TRIGGERED by nightmare stories of financial ruin. It’s like a whole damn horror series has been embedded into my brain and I have no idea when or where I watched these stories.

That tells me a few things.

• They’re more than likely cultural tales.

• They’ve been alive in my head for probably most of my life.

• They might be connected to some trauma.

The short understanding here is that unless I have some specific support in place, these stories will wreak havoc on my fairly normal American life. That life where I get divorced (FUCK HOW WILL I SUPPORT MYSELF?!?), that life where I will be fired from a job (HOLY FUCK WHAT WILL I DO?!) and that life where I will lose big in business (I’M A FAILURE, I HAVE LOST IT ALL).

Now, something to note about me is that I am a white woman who doesn’t even have other structurally oppressive forces acting on top of all of that. But as the individual I am, I have loads of other stuff that piles on to that initial blow, making it worse than it probably is all on its own.

I have those cultural stories. I have stories about me being a woman. I don’t have family support (well, not much at all), I have neurodiversity and depression and anxiety and lots of previous experiences that ratchet the intensity WAY UP.

My life coach helps me ratchet it back down. To still a pretty sucky place. But to one that sucks much less. I have close friends who don’t judge me, friends who I can be honest with, and who buy me groceries and take me out to the sea. FYI I have a coach because I’m trading services with her so that I can get help but pay zero dollars, at the moment.

I have a deep well of knowledge in self-coaching and that helps me immensely to be in a solid relationship with the humans I know can be a part of my support system. My coach is very crucial to my emotional support, my self coaching allows me to access that interpersonal connection that will keep me afloat, and all of that works in service of getting me back to work so that I can function here in this space.

I am a normal human. Living in this world, using my tools to keep myself going. To keep myself alive. I have not eradicated the terrible circumstances in this world. I just have found a way to separate my self (my very life force on this planet) from the stories that our culture tells about someone ‘like me’ (aka, a single woman who has effectively lost her first business and is building back from scratch).

The stories I was told about a person like me made me terrified to become her, but it didn’t prevent me from becoming her.

You might also find yourself living a version of your previous self’s nightmare some day, and by doing that TODAY you not only put yourself at more risk for it but you perpetuate really negative stereotypes for humans who live with those conditions today. You disengage yourself from empathy and from belonging, making their lives worse and lowering your own capacity for caring for your community. And that will also reduce your wellbeing in time.

We are put here to be in relationship.

Let’s learn how to make our lives better through better relationships. But we’ve got to start with ourselves.

Join me in The Slow Startup. It’s Slow because this work is not about rushing your nervous system. It’s one day at a time, one phase at a time, until things start clicking into place.