Thoughtwork for over-thinkers.
I’ve been a certified Life Coach for just over 4 years.
I’ve had OCD my entire life, I think. My form of OCD is overthinking (or ruminating, as some call it). So, it’s been interesting to experience training as a Life Coach (examining and re-shaping thoughts) as someone who is truly obsessive with thinking through things.
I think it’s why I’m an exceptional coach but have historically been a pretty terrible self-coach.
The traditional way we change our thoughts hasn’t worked for me–writing them down and analyzing them. And now I think I know why. There’s a time when we have access to our deepest thoughts, and I found it hard to get into that state where I could access my own thoughts.
One of my employees told me once that my brain was on fire, as acknowledgement of how fast I think. And that has served my business immensely.
But it hasn’t served me personally. And I had no idea that I was different until I came to grips with my diagnosis. I hadn’t wanted to believe it. I thought something must be wrong with me and I was ashamed of it. Of people seeing it in me. So I just avoided believing it. I worked against it–to prove it wrong.
I am certain I fooled no one. Except myself. It’s not hard to see, I’m sure. But the thought of people ‘diagnosing’ me and deciding to use it against me was scary enough for me to believe I could out-think them and hide it.
The thing is, though, that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I didn’t believe it for a long while.
Life Coaching has been a true godsend for me. Understanding how my brain works and can change is magical. It gives me such hope.
The method for changing our thoughts is thinking. You’d think I would be really good at this. And I could be, as well as I like practicing thinking and all but that’s only half the story.
Doing thought work when you’re an overthinker is like drinking too much coffee when you’re tired. It builds up the energy in my body while simultaneously making me exhausted. So it has historically not been working for me.
My daily life experience has been one filled with these emotions:
anxiety
overwhelm
exhaustion
a sickness in the pit of my stomach
a certain stuck-ness of emotion that feels really debilitating
wild internal energy with no where to go
anger
frustration
hopelessness
And I know it’s not fashionable for a white woman like me to share this. But I do have a human body, and I will experience emotions. It’s just what it is. Not understanding how to talk about it or find help has lead to my hopelessness. And I don’t want to live my life like this anymore.
One thing that has helped me immensely is accepting that my pain is real. Denying it has made me feel separate from the world. I’m sharing this because I know that there are others out there like me. And I want to be a home for you–not to turn against yourself but to explore and love yourself for exactly who you are.
Something else that has been crucial for me is moving energy through my body, which I think is essentially the core function of life coaching–to help you feel.
We help clients feel their feelings and move them through their bodies.
We help clients see the thoughts causing their feelings.
We help clients find emotional relief when they don’t know where to turn.
What I’ve had to do is this:
Find a therapist who specializes in OCD
Find a life coach who specializes in atypical brains
Find a life coach who specializes in women’s socialization
Move energy through my body whenever it gets built up (even if that means taking a 10 min break to go for a run)
Force myself to put away stimulating substances (sugar / coffee) + experiences (tech / tv) a few hours before I sleep
Choose my health over everyone’s expectations of me
And I’m really only 50% good at this so far.
But this is another point I want to make–I have a lot of privilege. And a fundamental reason that I haven’t looked for help historically is a mix of mental health stigma plus the belief that I should be able to fix myself plus guilt that I have access to help and others don’t. As women, we’re socialized in certain ways that are really unhelpful–perfection is a thing we strive for in many areas of our lives. And it’s terribly destructive to us all.
I bet I am not alone in not accessing care. I bet there are a lot of you out there who think that they need to fix themselves and if they can’t they’re failing.
It’s not true. Everyone deserves access to emotional well being.
Something that I am actively working against is my initial set of thoughts that got me to not take action on my own behalf. Here’s what I’ve had to become truly committed to:
There is nothing broken about me, even if I have OCD.
I can’t properly care for myself without help and that’s ok.
If I don’t use my privilege to find a way to care for myself, I won’t be able to function well enough to put in the work for others.
My joy matters.
Feeling good in my body matters.
And it’s my job to solve all of this.
When you’re an overthinker you naturally go to thinking to solve problems. But sometimes that just builds up so much overwhelming energy within your own body that you can’t function.
I didn’t get that. Now I do.
Listening to my body (finally) has helped me see it. There was so little insight I had to my own thoughts because my body was so over-energized and crowding out all clarity for what I was really thinking.
If you’re someone who is experiencing confusion, try moving energy through your body. Crying. Working out. Screaming. Whatever you need to do.
You will more than likely experience a different sensation right after–clarity, contemplation, peace. It might be fleeting or momentary. But it will give you such insight into your own brain and heart.
It’s what you’re always looking for.
You just need to find a way to unlock it.
Coaching can change your life.
CLARITY | CONFIDENCE | CREATIVITY
